Sis, Your Husband Checklist Has a Problem
Hey Fam,
Let me tell you about the smooth-as-butter club man.
Brown skin like the sun took its time with him. Swagger for days. A beautiful townhouse, a beautiful car, and he appeared to have money. I was out dancing, having a good time, and when the lights came on and everybody had to go, this man dropped his cell phone in my purse.
So he'd have to see me again the next day to get it back.
Smooth like butter. Smooth as Tennessee whiskey. I was gone. 😅
Here's what I didn't know: how he actually made his money. And real talk? I didn't care. I was busy asking, Is he fine? Does he have swagger? Is this exciting? I was not asking, Is this a man I can build a God-fearing, legal, safe, and lasting life with?
Because sometimes chemistry will have you interviewing a man for the position of husband using the job description of a boyfriend.
That's the reset. The goal isn't to stop being attracted to men. The goal is to stop letting attraction answer questions it was never designed to answer.
If you've built the career, the condo, the church family, and the girlfriends, and you're still wondering Am I too picky? Is something wrong with me?, hear me on this: maybe your standards aren't too high. Maybe you're measuring the wrong things.
In this week's episode, I break down the difference between preferences (height, swagger, facial hair, the car) and marriage qualifications (character). Both matter. They just shouldn't carry equal weight.
A few swaps to start with:
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Instead of "How much does he make?" ask how he stewards what he has.
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Instead of "Does he go to church?" ask whether he has a relationship with God that governs how he lives.
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Instead of "Is he successful?" ask what he becomes when life isn't going well.
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Instead of "Does he make me happy?" ask can we build something healthy together?
And fam, I'll say this too. When I met my husband, he prayed with me and I thought it was weird. He sought counsel from other Christian men and I thought, why are your friends in our business? Now? Those "weird" things are some of what I value most in him. Sometimes healthy feels unfamiliar when you're used to something different. 💛
Your homework this week: get out that husband checklist (yes, the one you pretend you don't have), split it into non-negotiables and preferences, and rewrite every non-negotiable as something you can actually observe. Then ask yourself if you'd meet the standards on your own list. I'll be right there doing it with you.
Hit reply and tell me: what's one thing on your checklist that's really a preference in disguise? I read every one.
Date with purpose, and build the marriage God is calling you to.
XO,
Lessa
P.S. Know a Sista who's tired of dating losers and wondering what's wrong with her? Forward her this email. Nothing's wrong with her. She just needs the right questions.
Stay connected, fam:
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Listen to the podcast: https://www.lessadavis.com/
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Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBRbMgJFL5YvzIToplDbtgg
